On existential anxiety and how to face it
Why we should embrace anxiety
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
Søren Kierkegaard
Anxiety is an inescapable truth of human existence. Every day we are faced with the infinite possibilities of our lives, the countless conscious and unconscious choices with their innumerable possibilities. And every single one, however small it may be, has an irreversible effect on who we are and the world around us. So of course we are anxious. It would be absurd not to be anxious with this incredible weight of responsibility on our shoulders.
But anxiety, or rather its source, is valuable. Without it, there would be no meaning since, without any possibility, there would be no anxiety. But without anxiety, there would be no possibility.
Often we try to run away from our anxiety and make choices in the vain attempt to get rid of it. This leaves us paralyzed or chasing relief in the deceptive comfort of safety. We seek refuge in the finite by artificially limiting our options, telling ourselves that any improvements that require facing our anxiety are impossible anyways and we're better off just staying where we are.
But facing the infinite, however scary it may be, yields the greatest treasure imaginable. A deeply meaningful and self-actualized life. Only by way of facing our anxieties can we uncover our truth and live by it. If we follow our purpose, its echoes will ring through the rest of human history. Perhaps even the rest of existence itself. We will have left the mark we were meant to leave in this precious lifetime, whatever that may mean.
However, if we resist the call, misery is sure to find us. The misery of unrealized potential and discarded dreams. The misery of knowing we could help create a better world and the only thing stopping us is our cowardice. Our body-mind may protect us from this misery by hiding it but our soul is constrained nevertheless. This has consequences for our well-being.
So we have a choice. Do we try to run away from our anxiety by lying to ourselves, giving in to our cowardice, and limiting ourselves? Or do we grab infinity by its horns and face our anxiety? Submerge ourselves in it and let it permeate every cell of our bodies?
The dizziness of freedom will never go away. All we can do is learn to keep walking in spite of it. Courage is not about not being scared, it is about being willing to feel your fear. Whatever you want to do, you can do it scared.
Retaining agency in the face of anxiety
There is a subtle art to retaining agency in the face of anxiety. Mastery of which will keep us comfortably busy for a lifetime. And naturally, there is anxiety about our ability to face up to anxiety. This is where our purpose in life is forged. So let's face anxiety together one step at a time at a pace that we can be ok with. I'm sure the progress will be surprising. Just remember that we cannot skip any steps and beating ourselves up for where we are is not going to help. The only thing that matters is that we keep getting back up and moving forward when we are able and willing.
So what are some practical ways to face our anxiety? Kierkegaard suggests that we face our anxiety by pursuing a passion. This could take the form of a creative endeavor, a family, personal growth, a career, an ideology, a belief, and so on. What matters is that you don't intellectualize this passion. It needs to come from your emotional and subjective truth and not what you think to be "objectively" best or required of you. For example, you don't need to devote yourself to helping solve the climate crisis if this does not call to you. And besides, you can never know how your passion might influence the "objectively" important problems down the line.
Have faith that your purpose in life, the passion that feels right and joyful for you, is going to make the world a better place. A good example is Michael Ashcroft. He left his job as a replaceable (his words not mine) energy consultant to pursue his passion for teaching Alexander Technique among other things. Not only has he now had a significant positive impact on the lives of many but he is also uniquely positioned to grapple with the climate crisis from an entirely new and helpful perspective.
The key is to follow your joy and aliveness. I believe that if everyone were to do this honestly and deeply, we would be in a much better place.
The crucial thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die.
Søren Kierkegaard
Kierkegaard's advice to develop our passion is more long-term advice. It takes time to find and nurture this passion until it can serve as the north star that guides us through the fog of anxiety. However, this process is in itself laden with anxiety, so how can we deal with the more immediate anxiety that comes up moment to moment? We can get some distance to our thoughts and emotions through meditation. I believe this to be by far the most powerful technique but this may only be immediately helpful if we have already practiced it beforehand.
One technique you could start using right now is the litany against fear from Frank Herbert's Dune series. It is a mantra that is used by some characters to help them face their fear. This has worked very well for me and I know others who've had similar experiences independently of me.
The litany against fear
I have adapted the litany slightly to make it parse better but feel free to look up the original version. A key part for me is visualizing and really sitting with the lines. I don't just quickly recite it. My particular interpretation of the lines and how I visualize them is not featured in the book but I feel they amplify the effect for me.
I will first let you read the whole litany for yourself and then take you through my interpretation of it.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will let it pass over me and trough me.
And when the fear has gone past,
I will turn my inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I remain.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
I equate this to fear being the dizziness of freedom. It disrupts clear thinking and pushes us towards paralysis or safety. Neither of which may be the most helpful choice at this moment. I like to feel into myself and observe how the fear is making my mind more chaotic.
My friend Box prefers the term soul over mind, so maybe that is helpful for you as well.
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
All fear can ultimately be traced back to our primal fear of death. So if we give into our fear and back off, we are implicitly accepting that continuing would lead to death in some way. This is not necessarily unskilful as fears can be reasonable and many risks are not worth taking. However, when we examine this implicit feeling we usually find that it is not true.
And on the other side of the little death, I visualize the "total obliteration" as the deep misery brought about by not following our purpose.
To make this part easier it may be helpful find ways to metabolize your fear of death in a way that you can feel ok with. But that is a whole other story.
I will face my fear.
I will let it pass over me and trough me.
I imagine myself being inside of the anxiety-inducing experience and what that might feel like. I visualize my fear washing over me and permeating every cell in my body.
And when the fear has gone past,
Here I briefly imagine (more emotionally than factually) the different outcomes of facing my fear. What happens if my fear is unfounded? How will I feel about having faced it? What happens if my fear is founded and the "negative" outcome does happen? How will I feel? Do I feel able to deal with that outcome in some way?
I will turn my inner eye to see its path.
And where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I remain.
I visualize fear as a stream of cold water that is washing the away soft clay that is obstructing my true self. Every time I face my anxiety of the infinite, no matter what the outcome ends up being, some dirt is washed away and more of my true self is revealed. The fire of my soul burns a bit brighter than before.
And remember the goal is not for the fear to have disappeared after reciting the litany only that our relationship with it has shifted slightly and we feel more able to face it. Importantly, this doesn't necessarily mean that doing the thing we are afraid of is the most skillful thing to do. It frequently happens to me that I embrace my fear but still choose not to do the thing. I don't consider this a failure whatsoever. I still practiced facing my fear and the decision now comes from a place of increased clarity. Perhaps, I will do it at the next opportunity or perhaps it wasn't the right thing to do in the first place.
I hope this helps someone develop a more loving and accepting relationship with their fear. I also hope that this relationship leads to unexpected improvements in your life. So I am going to leave you off with a final invitation: Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Facing your fear is the journey of a lifetime and although it may not feel like that at the moment, every tiny scrap you can manage is worthwhile. Go at your own pace and find your truth in due time.